Monday, April 18, 2011

Before and After

My son is helping me to put photos in an album.

"I wish you didn't have a stroke," he says, looking at the photos of our family from a few years ago. "You were more fun then," he says, with a hint of sadness.

"I wish I didn't have the stroke, either," I say.

But I try to tell him that all these experiences becomes part of who we are. When I was growing up, I tell him, there were things that were very hard for me at the time. Maybe some good things came out of those experiences.



  1. Unspeakably sad and yet buoyant in the ability to accept our human limitations. If it's any consolation, I suspect my kids found me more fun a few years ago too--our fun quotient goes up and down, but something more important stays stable.

  2. I used to think I was an interchangable cog - that any knowledgable person could replace me. Now I believe that each person is a unique set of talents, memories, and dreams. It matters that your children still have their mother who loves them unconditionally.

  3. My daughter and I have sad moments too about what I cannot do but I tell her that life is not always perfect and we do what we can. She loves to help me so that makes up for some.

  4. i have fibromyalgia - not anywhere as serious what you get to deal with but still no fun - my son (almost 12) has said this to me as well.

    it cuts because i want to give him everything and i want to fill our time together with fun - with hiking and wrestling and climbing trees - just sucks somedays.

    i give him my attention and we talk for hours about video games and societal ills (he has a HUGE sense of justice) and watch comedies - but i miss the more physical stuff too...

  5. Awww. Just found your blog. This post hits home. I'm a mom of a 2 year old boy, always hoping he won't notice I'm not "quite right" after brain surgery and a stroke. Only time will tell...he's too young now to know any different. Looking forward to reading about your progress.
    Best wishes,

  6. Thanks for reading. Even though some days are so hard, it always helps me to know that other people are struggling with some of the same issues and questions.

  7. I've had moments like you had also. The blessings, though, sometimes come in unexpected ways. My children have grown to have so much more compassion for a person walking slow or struggling with simple tasks. I had my stroke when my daughters were 1 and 2. Now they are 9 and 10. They know more about the working of the brain than most children going into high school.

    Yes, who would have wanted the stroke? Yet, the evolution of what your family will see as normal could quite possibly be a rewarding journey. Best of luck to all of you!


  8. Yes I agree,who would want a sreoke ? I' would have done everything to avoid it as it is hardest on care-givers. But for me I jave drawn closer to God and this gives me a sense of being loved and watched over. Now i take every event to God and He has made my life meaningful. I now look forward to improvements to my walk and other gifts.Prayers help a lot so don't give up. May God bless you in your journey to recovery. Janet

  9. I used to feel like this, old Amy and new Amy, it used to make me feel very sad. I imagine this is even harder to explain to your children. But then I did more, I would set small goals. Now my Mum will ask me, 'could you have imagined doing that a year ago?' and the answer is no. I've now achieved so many little goals post stroke there is only new Amy, I don't even remember old Amy. Post stroke I found a boyfriend, and a bought a flat (!), very slowly went to work, I walked on hot coals last month for the stroke association. Small steps, small goals, eventually the stroke wont be what defines you, you'll define yourself again.